I have sons.
I’m surely aging much faster because of these handsome little creatures…
Because of my boys I appreciate having daughters.
My girls recently placed some complaints about their brothers. In desperation they came to me, to ask for some restrictions to be placed on these wild little men… The girls felt that if we put these things in writing it would appear more official…. And we might find some success …
So here goes….
It has come to my attention that your sisters are not happy with your recent behaviors and they have asked me to draw up a small contract for you to sign and date when you get a chance. We realize that your days are busy turning sticks into light sabers and rock piles into army bases. But, if you could just take a minute to review their wishes, life might be a little more pleasant for all the occupants in this house.
-Road kill frogs do not need to be placed on the kitchen table for family viewing.
-Legos do not fit up your nose easily so stop trying to do that.
-Keeping beetles and earth worms in jars under your bed is disgusting.
-Stop telling your friends we have a “pee tree” for use in case of emergency or when outside swimming in the pool. Just use the bathroom – and wipe the toilet seat when your done.
-If you produce a “number two” – flush it already.
-Blue and black plaid shorts should ever be worn with a purple shirt and if you could sleep in pajamas once in a while we would appreciate it.
-Stop wrestling before bed – one of you always ends up getting hurt and crying.
-Stop tying Lego guys to our bedroom fans.
-And stop leaving those glow in the dark plastic bug on the light bulbs… the smell is awful and you could end up burning down the house.
-Please stop the experiments. It is unkind to freeze bugs, attach a string to one of their legs, and defrost it only to watch what will happen next.
-Do not burp at the table, or fart that often either. And diarrhea is not a funny thing to mention while eating.
-Projectile vomit is not cool and should never be received with accolades of “Wow! Did you see that? That was a good one—do that again!”
-If you would stop finding different ways to name foods using the word “poop” -- cookie poop, popsicle poop and popcorn poop are not appetizing and honestly not that funny.
This here seems to end the list. As author of this letter and Mother of the house – I have to agree with some of these requests made of you -- my rascally boys.
The girls hope that you will look this list over and agree.
And I am sure that as their brothers you will understand where they are coming from. If you continue this behavior the girls are afraid that you will continue to embarrass them well into their teen years… Scaring away other boys and friends….
Hmmm.. on second thought…
Keep up doing exactly what makes you happy.. and ignore this letter! Girls are difficult.. You know that! I’ll tell them I lost the said, “contract” and it will take them days -- maybe months -- to replicate a new one!! By then their efforts will tire and all transgressions will surely be forgotten!
By the way, I won’t hold you accountable for retaliation…
Looking at your sisters.. I have never been more grateful for your existence!
Fart and burp away!!!
I love you more than life itself!!!