Finals Fever Strikes Sharon High
Consider these home remedies.
This is final exams week at Sharon High School. The conditions are ripe for Finals Fever. You won't find this virus documented in any medical textbook, but parents are well acquainted with the signs.
Finals Fever manifests differently in different kids. Its onset may include some or all of following symptoms:
- An insatiable craving for M & Ms, Hershey’s Kisses, Cocoa Puffs, or any member of the food group that derives its non-nutritive value from chocolate.
- Non-gender specific PMS like moodiness resulting in explosive outbursts triggered by the question, "How do you think you did on your (tough subject) final?"
- Prolonged and severe procrastination characterized by late night viewing of successive sitcom reruns such as "Friends", "Dr. Who," or "How I Met Your Mother."
The tension generated by this virus spreads with the ferocity of the Ebola virus and although mercifully not fatal like Ebola, it can infect everyone in the family.
Parents are particularly vulnerable and should insulate themselves from infection with adequate sleep, longer than average work hours, and rigorous desensitization training to thicken the skin.
Siblings should be separated and quarantined. The family pet should be suited up in shoulder pads, leg guards, and a helmet. These measures will ward off injury when the Finals Fever afflicted child accidentally or not so accidentally knocks the pet over after a taking a particularly grueling exam. Dogs should be fitted for catheters, because when nature calls, the kid charged with dog walking might very well be distracted by a marathon Skyping study session.
As with any virus, the best treatment is preemptive action and symptom management.
What home remedies work for kids under the influence of Finals Fever?
- Move some part of the body, preferably all parts. Shake the fever out: shake their behinds to the tunes that stir their souls, rattle their brains with a jog around the neighborhood, or roll around on the mats at the local gym.
- Eat something colorful. The virus weakens when it comes in contact with foods that are green, red, orange, and yellow. Cocoa color, not so much. Load up on veggies, fruits, healthy proteins, and whole grains to fend off Finals Fever.
- Remember to breathe. This syndrome thrives in a vacuum and breaks down when infused with oxygen. Meditate, levitate, and cogitate. The fever strikes the heart with test anxiety. Short-term relief can be obtained by slowly breathing in and out from the diaphragm while closing the eyes. Yoga and relaxation tapes ease the discomfort.
- Implement Operation Organization. Clutter feeds the fever and order starves the mold. Or something like that. Schedules, To Do Lists and straightening up the desk area stops the fever from spreading from one frazzled family member to another.
- Motivate The Mojo, But Go Easy On the Jo. The virus hates optimism, positivity, and confidence. Blast it with motivational sticky notes pasted to the bathroom mirror, the bedroom wall, and notebooks. Too many cups of Jo fuel the fever’s frenzy. Better to energize with power quotes and peer support, than overdoing the caffeine.
What prognosis can be expected for Finals Fever?
There is no known cure for this virus. It has to run its course. On the last day of exam week, the symptoms miraculously disappear as quickly as they appeared. The house is swept clean of the disease's devastation as summer vacation ushers in sweet amnesia. Until the next outbreak, come next June.